Introduction

The experiment begins with observation and hypothesis. The observation is that cartoon dinosaurs do not have opposable thumbs. If Panda were given to making remarks then there would be some interesting comments around opposable thumbs and sesamoids: bones like knee caps in the wrist. The panda uses the sesamoid to grip bamboo. There is some debate about the nature of the Panda’s thumb. Mostly the discussion is to do with evolution and it becomes heated. Heating things is not the kind of experiment being proposed.

Koala Bears have an opposable toe on each foot and two opposable digits on each hand. The thumb and the ‘not thumb but still opposable’. It seems that bears have an interest in making the opposable thumb into an obscure adventure. The Koala may have acquired the thumbs that Panda never did. These are the kind of ideas to be held in mind when doing cartoon science. The kind of ideas that suggest questions like,

“what is it like to have the hands of a cartoon dinosaur?”

Cartoon dinosaurs come in roughly three varieties: first, the gritty realism of the dinosaurs created by Pat Mills in 200AD; then, the cutesy Masashi Tanaka character Gon; and, finally, the scribbled generic dinosaur of almost everybody else. The Pat Mills dinosaurs would eat you as soon as look at you and so, there would be scant opportunity to examine their hands. Similarly the character Gon might well eat any person prodding about too closely but equally never seems to do much with the tiny forward facing limbs except have existential crises. This leaves the scribbled dinosaurs (kakiographiosaur) as the most likely subject of scientific examination of cartoon dinosaurs.

Fossils and the stone based fossil record show pentadactyl limbs in dinosaurs. Such creatures as the Bambiraptor had the capacity to touch the outer two of its three digits together in an opposable grip. While this is not an opposable thumb it is not a thumbless paw either. In addition, the Bambiraptor looks like some overgrown, belligerent chicken intent on violence.

Kakiographiosaurs seem to be exempt from the stone fossil record. So, the actual fossil record should be treated with caution and replaced with a more reliable one. The serious scientist is placed in a difficult position. The Mills and Tanaka dinosaurs seem far too dangerous for sophisticated natural scientists to examine and so this leaves the Kakiographiosaur as the proper subject of investigation.

Kakiographiosaur seem to have little in the way of opposable thumbs. It is as though the realistic dinosaurs have somehow performed the Koala trick of thumb abduction and scribbled cartoon dinosaurs are left with hands that look remarkably ‘unopposed’. The first practical problem for the natural scientist is that scribbled cartoon dinosaurs are two dimensional. This makes experimentation with the limbs particularly difficult.

In order to achieve a worthwhile level of scientific investigation, the serious scientist should first draw a Kakiographiosaur; second, make a note of the number of digits on the hands; third carry out the experiment. The experiment consists of taping together the fingers of both hands in order to simulate the Kakiographiosaur limbs. To ensure consistency and replication of the experiment, the following process should always be followed.

The Experiment

Scribble a dinosaur. Label the Kakiographiosaur with the date and a name and a number. The name must end in the syllable ‘–saur’. Using the picture as your fossil record, count the number of digits on each hand. For a genuine Kakiographiosaur there are likely to be two, three or four digits on each hand. This gives a clear experimental process.

If the Kakiographiosaur has two fingers, tape together the thumb, index and middle fingers into one unit; tape together the small and ring fingers together into a second unit. If the Kakiographiosaur has three fingers, tape together the thumb and index finger into one unit; tape together the little and ring gingers into a second unit and lead the middle finger free. If the Kakiographiosaur has four fingers tape the thumb to the index finger and leave all of the other fingers free. When taping together the digits, always tape at both the distal phalanx and the proximal phalanx leaving the middle phalanx and all of the interphalangeal creases unobstructed. This completes the forensic reconstruction of the Kakiographiosaur.

Once the hands have been prepared, the experimental process would be to carry out a set of five different tasks that may or may not require the use of the opposable thumb. Record the results in a copybook. When all of the tasks are completed, it will be possible to conclude if the experiment has shown anything about Kakiographiosaurs.

The first task is to fill a glass with water and to drink from it. The glass should be a standard one hundred millilitres and made of plastic. Record if the task succeeded or failed.

The second task is to insert a 10 millimetre panel pin into a piece of pine. The panel pin should be stable but not driven into the wood. Record if the task succeeded or failed.

The third task is to drive a 10mm panel pin into pine with a 380mm ball-peen hammer. The panel pin should be driven into the pine until the head is flush with the surface. Record if the task succeeded or failed.

The fourth task is to play C#, D#, F#, G# and A# in rapid succession. Record how long the task took. If the task took longer than five seconds then record that the task failed. The final task is to write your own name using a pencil (HB). Ask a second person to read the name out. Record if the task succeeded or failed.

The five tasks, taken together indicate are the experimental results. From the success or failure of the tasks, it should be simple to conclude what the lifestyle of the scribbled dinosaur was like. This is the same process as interpreting the fossil record.

Conclusions

The different kinds of Kakiographiosaurs are not yet classified except by number of digits on their hands. This is where science requires “more work to be done”. In providing that more work, the five stereotyped tasks will help to begin the complex task of discerning what behaviours were possible for Kakiographiosaurs in the wild.

By having standard tasks to carry out it is possible to communicate with other Scientists and discuss the nature of Kakiographiosaurs with a degree of commonality and certainty that allows the scribbled fossil record to be examined critically.

No Kakiographiosaurs were harmed during these experiments.